I Shouldn't
by SilverMidnight52
Summary: Freddie doesn't come home after school one day and Mrs. Benson goes to Spencer to find him. What does Spencer find when he locates Freddie? Self-harm and sexual warning.


I own nothing. Sequel in the works. Sexual things and self-harm things. Enjoy!

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"Spencer," Mrs. Benson said walking into the apartment, "Did Freddie come over here after school with Carly and Sam?"

"No," I said shaking my head, "Carly said that Freddie wanted to take the long way home. He's not home yet?"

"No," she said trying to keep her voice calm, "And I can't check his chip anymore."

"Why can't you?" I asked confused.

"The company went out of business and shut off all of the chips," she said falling on the couch, "Please Spencer, you know Freddie. Please help me find my little boy."

"Okay," I said grabbing my jacket, "I'll go look for him."

"Hurry," she said looking up at me, "A storm is about to start."

Nodding my head I walked into the elevator and rode it all the way down. When I got to the front door I saw that it had already started to rain. Sighing I ran over to my car and got in.

As I started to drive around the city my vision got worse. If Freddie was walking around in this there was little chance I was going to be able to see him. I pulled the car to the side of the road and got out.

Looking up and down the road I felt my eyes widen when I saw someone walking through the park that was across the street. I ran into the park and up to the person. Smiling happily I realized it was Freddie.

"Spencer," Freddie said looking up at me, "What are you doing here?"

"You're mom was worried," I said taking in his appearance, "Looks like she should be."

"It wasn't raining before," he said shrugging, "I was on my way home when it started."

"You're pretty far from the building," I said growing worried myself, "What were you doing walking so far?"

"I got lost in my thoughts," he said yawning, "I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"Come on," I said going to place an arm on the back of his shoulders.

When I came close to touching Freddie though he jerked away from me. With a hurt expression I stared at him and hoped that he was tell me why he didn't want me to touch him.

Freddie didn't start talking though. He simply shook his head and started to walk the opposite way of the apartments. I could tell that Freddie needed a little more along time, but it was going to get dark soon.

"Freddie," I said catching up to him.

"Just go Spencer," Freddie said calmly, "I really just want to by alone to think."

"Just come…" I started to say.

"No," he said yelling at me, "Will you just leave me alone Spencer?"

Staring at Freddie with wide eyes I watched him sigh sadly and start walking again. Something big must have been bothering Freddie. I would have expected Carly to yell at me before Freddie.

Taking a deep breath I decided that I wasn't going to let Freddie walk alone. I quickly sent a txt to Carly telling her to tell Mrs. Benson that I was with Freddie and he was safe.

Freddie had gotten pretty far ahead of me. Running up to him I quietly took a place by his side and walked with him. I saw him look at me in confusion, but he didn't say anything.

We had been walking around for at least an hour before Freddie stopped in front of me. The both of us stared at each other for a few moments. Out of nowhere Freddie's fist connected with my jaw.

Gasping I stumbled backward and gripped my jaw. Nothing was going how I thought they would when I went to find Freddie. I wasn't even sure that it was Freddie anymore.

I looked at Freddie just in time to see him moving to hit me again. This time I grabbed his fist before he could finish the swing. He glared angrily at me and tried to move away.

"Calm down," I said grabbing his other wrist only to have him wince roughly.

Gripping his wrist tighter I listened closely and heard him let out a soft whimper of pain. I kept my hand on his wrist and started to tug him back to my car. I expecting him to fight, but he followed me quietly.

It wasn't long before I was placing Freddie into the passengers side and getting into the drivers'. Freddie was refusing to look at anything but his hands that were placed on his lap.

We drove to the apartment in complete silence. I was trying to keep my self from yelling at Freddie and I knew that Freddie wasn't going to respond well to that so I needed to calm down before we got to the apartment.

Pulling in front of the apartment I sent a quick txt to Carly telling her to get everyone out of the apartment until I sent another txt telling her to come back. I waited until my phone rang saying it was Carly.

"Stay in here Freddie," I said roughly and got out of the car, "Hello?"

"I want to see my little boy," Mrs. Benson yelled into the phone.

"I need to talk to him for awhile first," I said taking a calming breath.

"Now," she said firmly.

"Mrs. Benson," I said slowly, "I'm the only person that might be able to get the truth out of Freddie and onto a path that is good. Are you really going to risk that?"

"Fine," she said softly, "Just let me see him in the morning."

"Of course," I said sighing, "Is everyone out of the apartment?"

"Yes," she said before hanging up.

Shaking my head I turned back to the car and saw Freddie still sitting there with tears streaming down his face. Sighing again I walked over to the car and helped him out. He looked at me with fearful eyes.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulder and led him into the building and to the elevator. Going to the apartment I gently lead him to the couch and had him lay down while I went into the bathroom.

Stopping in front of the mirror I looked down at my hand that had been gripping his left wrist. There wasn't much, but I could tell that there was blood on it and I knew that it wasn't mine or an accident.

"Spencer," Freddie said from the doorway.

I turned to him and saw how innocent he looked. The tears streaming down his face made my heartbreak. Freddie was a good kid and here he was hurting himself for some reason.

"Sit down," I said softly.

Freddie nodded and did as I said. I didn't want to admit it, but I had a feeling that Freddie was close to breaking if he didn't get help soon. I also knew that he wasn't going to talk to anyone else.

"Take off your hoodie," I said kneeling in front of him.

"Spencer," Freddie said fearfully.

"I'll do it for you if you won't," I said placing my hands at the hem of it.

"Please," he said his eyes growing wide.

I stared at him in confusion. I hadn't been able to figure out what was going on in his head yet. One second he's refusing to let me touch him and now it seemed like he wanted me to.

"What is going on Freddie?" I asked sighing.

"I can't say," Freddie said shaking his head, "You'll hate me."

"I could never hate you," I said hugging him tightly, "Trust me."

"I love you," he said softly into my ear, "I love you so much Spencer. Please, I'll do anything."

"What do you mean?" I said pulling back.

Freddie stared into my eyes for a few seconds before crashing his lips into mine. I gasped at the shock that shot through me. His tongue darted into my mouth and rubbed across mine.

I closed my eyes and placed a hand on the back of his head while deepening the kiss. The feel of his lips against mine was the one of the best feelings I had felt and I didn't want it to end.

Both of us were lost in the kiss that we forgot everything else around us. I lifted him up and placed him on the sink counter. My hands ran down his chest and I unzipped his hoodie.

Underneath he was wearing a button-up shirt. I quickly undid the buttons and tugged both of them off. I broke the kiss for some much needed air when I caught a glimpse of his wrist.

Small, deep cuts covered most of his left wrist. I pulled back fully and stared at the cuts. Freddie pressed his wrist to his chest so I couldn't see it anymore, but the sight was already scarred into my mind.

"Why?" I said in a whisper.

"Because it makes me forget," Freddie said equally as soft.

"Forget what?" I asked slowly.

"I'm gay," he said equally as soft.

"So am I," I said looking into his eyes.

"I love you," he said placing his right hand on the side of my face.

"I love you too," I said honestly.

"And it hurts that I shouldn't …" he said moving closer to me.

"That you shouldn't what?" I asked confused.

"Do this," he said pressing his lips to mine again.


End file.
